One of the things I have been doing recently in a bid to
improve my self esteem is to make lists of all my positive qualities and
skills. Sometimes we get so focused on
the negative aspects of ourselves (I am lazy or cowardly for instance) that we
lose all focus and base our entire self image on those one or two traits. It is easy to forget that you are more than
your social anxiety/depression and that you probably have more going for you
that you realise.
It may seem cocky and arrogant at first, but I really
encourage anyone having problems with self esteem to make a list of all the
positive aspects of yourself that you can think of. It could be a compliment that someone has
given you about your appearance or work, or something that you are good at
doing (maybe a sport or playing a musical instrument) or an aspect of your
personality that you like (kind, good listener or good sense of humour). I find it’s best to have a relatively high
number to aim for in mind, say 15 or 20, otherwise it’s very easy to give up
once you’ve reached a handful.
I have done this exercise many times over the last couple of
years and every time I do it gets easier and easier ; it was actually one of
the first exercises that we did on my CBT course. I remember very early on in the group we had
to go around in a circle and say one thing each that we had going for ourselves
and I was the only person who could not think of a single thing to say! The first time I attempted to write a list of
my qualities it felt like searching for a needle in a haystack.
For each item you add to your list, have a think about it
and think about why you have written that thing about yourself; what evidence
do you have for it? Has someone told you
that? What have you done that makes you think that about yourself? For example if one of your qualities is that
you are brave your evidence might be that you left home to go to university
despite being terrified, or you go to work every day despite getting anxiety
beforehand.
The beauty of this exercise is that it doesn’t involve
trying to change your thoughts or deluding yourself into thinking you are the
most fantastic, beautiful person ever;
rather you are simply drawing your attention to what is already there
and present in you but has simple been hidden by a negative self filter.