Goodbye 2011

I'm ill on new years eve. I was originally meant to be working tonight but I swapped shifts with someone at work because I was going to go into London with a group of SA people from the support group I go to. I worked a 12 hour shift yesterday which wasn't the best idea with a cold and I just felt too ill to go out tonight. So I'm spending New Year's Eve alone. Which is actually okay, I don't mind too much. A least I have an excuse for staying home if anyone asks. Ironic though hat the one year I make plans I fall ill.

So I thought I'd update on the Christmas period now, seeing as I want this blog to take a new direction in 2012 - more focused on recovery than just a diary of someone with social anxiety. I'm not quite sure what my vision for this blog is yet, but I know I want to use it to document my progress in overcoming social anxiety so that it can help others in the future.

Okay got a bit sidetracked there; back to Christmas. The dinner out was not great; better than last year but not fantastic. I was quiet and felt a little uncomfortable. Though I think a lot of that came from not feeling like I could relate to the people there - they were all freshers whose lives consisted of little more than partying, drinking and attending lectures, and they hardly have a care in the world.
Things were a little better at our xmas eve drinks party. At the time I felt like it was going really badly but after everyone had gone home my mum told me that she thought I had done well (she's not all bad, contrary to how it might seem from my previous post!). I think I had just set really high expectations of myself - I envisioned flitting through the room from person to person charming everyone I came across, which of course wasn't the case. I don't go to those kind of events very often so it's not like I've had a lot of practice. A lot of my insecurities about attending these events are about the fact that I feel like I have nothing to say to people when they ask me how I'm getting on now I've graduated/what I want to do etc.

I've been working a lot recently. I've done a few 13 hour shifts which would be exhausting for anyone, let alone someone with SA. Overall this job has had its ups and downs. It's incredibly busy at the moment; the ice rink has been pretty much fully booked for the last week or so. I much preferred it in the early days when it was a lot less busy.

So with an hour and ten minutes to go until the new year I thought I'd reflect on how this one has been for me. What have I accomplished that I wanted to?

- Well, for a start, I finally ended my relationship for good, something I had been wanting to do for a long time.
- I graduated university; I can now tell people I have a degree in Theoretical Physics, which always makes me sound smarter than I really am. I'm not sure it was worth racking up £20,000+ worth of student debt for but that can't be helped now.
- I finally managed to lose most of the weight I wanted to (there have been times in the last few weeks when I've dipped below 9 stone).
- I started cognitive behavioural therapy and have met other people with SA in the flesh
- I've been working (even if it is only temporary) and have earned myself a bit of money for the first time in a few years
- I made a couple of youtube videos after a good few years of wanting to.
- I started running (and then consequently abandoned it because of the cold weather, ssshh!)

And what haven't I accomplished that I wanted to?

- I haven't really found myself a hobby
- I still am pretty directionless in life
- I haven't travelled yet
- I haven't committed myself as much to the CBT as I should have.

And finally what do I want to accomplish in 2012?

...

Hmm I'll have to have a think about that one. I'll get back to you tomorrow!