5 Things I Learned While Wwoofing

1.       That I am actually much more capable than I give myself credit for.  I threw myself into something which I knew absolutely nothing about and actually ended up enjoying it.

I am able to pick up new skills quite quickly.  I fluffed up a few times at the beginning but I learned from my mistakes and it wasn’t the end of the world. 

2.       That meeting new people isn’t as scary as I thought it was and can actually be fun.

There are a lot of interesting people out there and they all have their own insecurities and problems.  Most of the young people I spoke to didn’t have a clue where their lives were going either and were just as worried as me about their future.

3.       It’s good to ask questions – it shows you’re interested and it doesn’t make people think you’re stupid.

If you’re unsure about something it’s much better to just ask rather than run the risk of doing something wrong and looking like a fool.

4.       That you don’t need lots of “stuff” to make you happy.  Sometimes the simple life really is the best one. 

I lived in the same few trousers and tops pretty much for 5 months and during that time I stopped caring so much about what people thought of my appearance - a really liberating feeling.  Before my experience if I was having a bad day I would make myself feel better by going out and buying a new top which I would probably never wear but would make me feel better for a few hours.

5.       That being outdoors in nature (especially by the sea) is one of the best cures for depression.

There is something so reassuring about sitting on the beach watching the waves crashing onto the shore.  Being able to see the huge expanse of water in front of you and imagine all the people across it in other countries going about their daily lives, each with their own problems and worries, really brings home insignificant your problems are in the grand scheme of things.

Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale

I just re-took the Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale Test here.  Below are a comparison of my score 2 and a half years ago and today:

Jan 2010 :   45 (fear) + 36 (avoidance) = 81 , severe social phobia

Sept 2012 : 41 (fear) + 26 (avoidance) = 67 , marked social phobia.

This is not great news.  I would have thought/hoped I would have gone down a bit more than that.  I know the scale isn’t perfect and you can’t base the severity of your issues on a number, but it gives a rough idea at least.  I’m glad my avoidance score has gone down though; I guessed it would have done.  When I took that test last I was going through a really bad time and was skipping lectures on a daily basis and had trouble just going to the supermarket to buy food.  Nowadays I have no issues going out to buy food, using public transport, walking down a busy street, going to the bank to pay in a cheque, and going into a coffee shop alone, all things which, two years ago, used to strike fear into my heart.  The areas which drag me down are still public speaking and using the telephone.  Answering the telephone is less of a big deal to me now but I still would use email or text rather than call someone I don’t know, which is a form of avoidance and something I know I need to work on.

Seeing this results has inspired me once more to up my game and really really push myself.  I need to reevaluate where I'm at in terms of my anxiety and figure out what it is that still causes me anxiety and is holding me back.

Update - What I'm Upto

Wow I think this is the longest time I’ve ever gone without updating my blog.  I think that’s a good sign; I tend to blog more when things are getting me down and I need somewhere to vent my frustrations.

I have been back at home now for over a month – 6 weeks in fact – and have been working as a shop assistant at a farm shop for 2 weeks.  I didn’t have too much trouble finding a job; I think because my return coincided with the end of the summer holidays and the students going back to uni and so everywhere was looking for replacement staff anyway.  It’s not a great job; I get minimum wage and it can be incredibly dull and repetitive some days but it’s at least good to be earning money again.  I don’t see myself working there much beyond Christmas anyway (*touch wood*).  Anxiety wise I have had ups and downs at this new job.  It’s customer service - have spent the majority of my time on the tills.  At the beginning it was pretty scary; my first day was a Saturday and it was packed in the shop; I was serving customers non-stop all day so I was sort of thrown in at the deep end, especially as I was still getting to grips with the till.  I’m generally okay serving customers now – I can smile and say hello and that comes to ... please, thankyou, goodbye etc.  But when customers try and make conversation with me I seem to dry up and can’t think of how to respond to them, especially if there are other people around.  I am having trouble talking to my colleagues though – granted I haven’t really had that much chance to get to know them anyway as I’m often left on my own on the tills while they’re on the shop floor.  Yesterday was a better day though – it wasn’t very busy so I had a chance to chat to one of the other girls there while we were sorting through stock together.  So work wise it could be better – then again it could also be a lot, lot worse.