Back at Uni

It was my first day back at University today. Lectures don't officially start until Thursday but we had a few introductory talks today. I was a complete wreck this morning. I can't quite put my finger on what I was so terrified of, as there were a thousand thoughts running through my head. I've spent most of the summer isolated at home so I think the shock of getting back to uni and being around people again has freaked me out. I'm also questioning my current relationship, which is causing me to feel a huge range of emotions (guilt for not feeling the same about him now as I used to, panic at the prospect of being alone). Basically I'm in a pretty bad place right now; I keep having to hold myself from bursting into tears multiple times a day. I'm considering signing up for a Managing Depression workshop run by the University counselling service. I can't possibly go on like this; it's so important for me to do well this year academically and I'm just not going to be able to motivate myself to do anything while I'm feeling like this.

One thing I've found that helped me this morning, in the midst of a panic attack was reciting positive affirmations in my head. I've made a poster with some on and stuck it up inside my wardrobe. While I was picking out clothes this morning I caught myself thinking really negative thoughts and forced myself to stop and read over them over, and it really did calm me down quite a bit. I've been reading Feel the Fear and do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers and I got the idea from her. I'm definitely going to try and make a habit of reading them over every day from now on, as I've finally realised how negative my thoughts are.