The Break-Up

It’s over between me and my boyfriend. For good this time.

I havn’t written much about our relationship on this blog. There’s been so many times when I’ve wanted to moan and complain about him and I’ve even written out whole posts. I always ended up having a change of heart though as I know it wouldn’t have been fair on him. Suffice it to say our relationship has been pretty sour for a while now.

He spoke to my sister on facebook (which I thought was kind of weird but hey) the other day asking if I was OK and saying that he thought I was going to break up with him and that he’s been worrying about it. Then he texted me yesterday asking me to call him to talk about things but I couldn’t bring myself to speak to him last night so told him I’d call him today. I could have just lied and pretended things were OK but I feel like I’ve been lying to him for long enough. I know he’s been stressing and worrying about us for weeks (months even) now so I think I’ve done the right thing by just telling him the truth. I havn’t been in love with him for about a year now. It sounds awful when I say that and I can’t believe I kept stringing him along for such a long time when my heart hasn’t been in it. He’s been my best friend for all my time at uni so I knew that if I ended it I’d be losing a friend as well as a boyfriend and that thought terrified me. I know it was incredibly selfish of me but I was just so utterly terrified of being alone.

Urgh now I’ve started to cry L

I know I’ve done the right thing. I just really didn’t want to have to do it over the phone as I know it’s seen as the cowards way out. But he’s over 100miles away from me right now so it the only option really. And with my phone phobia it actually made it infinitely harder.

I just checked facebook and he’s already set his status to single. Barely even an hour after we spoke. He also made some comment on my page saying that I should probably change my status now. God I hate facebook. One of his (girl) friends has already “liked” his new relationship status. I know he’s been talking to his friends about us and they all told him he should end it. So now I feel like they all hate me and think I’m a bitch. Not that it matters as I’ll probably never see any of them ever again now.

Okay I’ve rambled on enough. Thanks for reading.

Update

It's been a pretty uneventful week. I got home from uni last Wednesday and, apart from a few trips out, have basically been sitting at home at my desk revising for the summer exams. That's pretty much all I have to say about my life right now. It'll probably be the same for the next few weeks so it may be a little quiet here for a while.

I do have some news though - I made a youtube video last Monday :) It's something I've been wanting to do for a long time now, but better late than never eh?

Here's the link if you're curious ----->

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgSqwHKroDY

a blog post

So I've managed to get out of the house on two of the last three days. I went to the library for about 4 hours today and got some revision done, and I have just gotten back from a 20 minute run :) My sister asked me to do a Race for Life run with her and her friend in June so I signed up for it yesterday. It's only 5K but I can barely run 1K at the moment without having to stop gasping for air. I've been meaning to get fit for so long now - every single day (and this is not an exaggeration) for about a month I've been telling myself that today's the day that I'll go for a run but up til now I havn't been able to bring myself to go out :s A few times I've put my running gear on and looked out the window and convinced myself that it's too busy or too late or too whatever. There's a lot less people around now as most people have gone home for the holidays so I didn't feel that self conscious. And I had my headphones in listening to my favourite podcast which helped too :)

I'm actually quite enjoying having just two of us in the house right now. The girl who's stayed is the quietest one, apart from me of course, of the five of us and spends a lot of time in her room and the library studying and can be very uptight about certain things. We can sometimes go whole days without seeing her. And conversations with her can be really stilted and awkward as I feel like I have to walk on eggshells because her temper can flare up without warning sometimes. Saying all that, we've been getting on really well in the last few days with lots of banter (I can't stand that word but unfortunately it's the only one that fits here) and giggling in the kitchen, and I've been getting more and more comfortable talking to her as the week's gone on. I should really try my best to keep it up over the next few months, after all I'm going to need all the friends I can get once uni is over.

I'm a hermit

I didn't leave the house today. I was going to go to the library and print off all the lecture notes that I've missed but I couldn't bring myself to leave for some reason. I kept telling myself "I'll go later", "I'll go after lunch" etc. I went for a couple of hours yesterday and was fine. I seem to get into a cycle of going out one day and then not going out the next day..

I havn't even seen another person today. My remaining housemate has been out all day so I didn't see her. I spoke on the phone briefly to my boyfriend earlier though, and I just got off the phone to my sister after speaking to her for an hour.

Right come on Mel. Early night. Get up early tomorrow and just DO something.

update

Phew. Term ended on Friday. Finally!! I spent the whole of last week trying to finish writing my 6000 word lab report, I stayed up all night on Thursday in the library finishing it and didn't get any sleep. I managed to get it done in the end; it was very very poor but at least I got it handed in. I went out to dinner on Friday night with 3 of my housemates to celebrate the end of term. After that we went to a bar to meet up with my other housemate and some of her friends. That part I did not enjoy. I could barely hear what anyone was saying as the music was so loud and because of that I always worry that other people can't hear what I'm saying (that it if I do actually say anything), so I play safe by giving the shortest answers possible. Also one of the people in our group was someone I've never been able to talk to and I have no idea why as he's a perfectly nice person and has never said anything horrible about me (and isn't the type to do so either). It was a good night anyway apart from the bar part.

My parents can't come and pick me up for a while so I'm going to be staying at uni for at least another week. It's probably for the best; this way I can use the library and get a head start on revision for the summer exams. There's just two of us left in the house now so it's going to be a very quiet week.