Goodbyes

It's my last day in Cornwall today.  I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Exeter for a few days to stay with my sister in her student digs (which will bring it's own challenges for me I'm sure) before heading up to North Devon for my next wwoof placement.  To be honest for the past few weeks I've been feeling a bit frustrated with this place, even though my host, J. is a really nice guy and it's a lovely place to stay.  The working hours and the type of work have been getting to me, so I'm looking forward to a change of scenery and learning some new things.

I'm determined not to let myself go into shy mode at the new place.  I don't want a repeat of wwoof host #4 where it took me 2 weeks to come out of myself and actually feel comfortable around my hosts.  I think I can manage it.

I said my goodbyes to one of the tenants here, who was going away for the weekend so wouldn't see me tomorrow.  He has made a few comments about how he'll miss me when I'm gone this past week but I just brushed it off as him being polite or something (after all, no-one could possible miss my presence, I'm much too boring, quiet, and have nothing interesting to say :P ).  Anyway he said it again yesterday as he was leaving and I didn't really say anything (wasn't quite sure what to say, goodbyes never were my forte), and he carried on and said "Now I've gotten to know you a bit, I'd have liked to get to know you more." or something along those lines.  Again I immediately brushed it off as him just searching for something nice to say to fill a silence.  But the more I think about it, the more I realise I have no justification for this thought.  If he said he'll miss me and he enjoyed getting to know me, then who am I to disregard his sentiment?  Why would he say it unless he meant it?  People don't generally say they'll miss people unless they mean it.  Maybe he saw something in me worth getting to know.  He did seem genuinely interested in me after all, or at least put on a good show of it.  He even asked for my number to keep in contact.  I'm just going to accept  his statement and add it to my catalogue of evidence against my negative thoughts.

2 Years

Wow, I just realised I reached my 2 year blog anniversary (bloggiversary?) this week.   My life has changed a hell of a lot since I started this blog, admittedly not as much as I had hoped, but that still doesn't negate the progress I have made.  This time two years ago, I had just found out I had failed my second year of university and was looking forward to a summer of studying for my resits for a course that I had come to hate.  I was going through a major depressive episode (one of many during my time at university), and could barely hold a conversation with anybody other than my 3 housemates and my then boyfriend (who I no longer loved but stayed with anyway out of a fear of being alone).

Fast forward two years and I'm still struggling with bouts of depression and SA, but they no longer have the same hold on me that they used to.  I no longer really experience that total, utter dread before a social situation (touch wood), but I still find it incredibly difficult to break out of my shy persona when I'm talking to new people.  If I keep at it though, who knows where I'll be in another two years time?