Job Interview

I had my job interview his morning. I feel like I managed my anxiety pretty well beforehand (not to say that I wasn't nervous because I was!), I told myself that it wasn't a big deal and tried to just focus on the positive what ifs (i.e. "what if it goes really well" instead of the usual "what if I fuck it up?"). Overall it went okay, although I blocked on my name when the receptionist asked. It wasn't a big deal though, she was completely nice about it. The interview itself wasn't too bad; the interviewer did most of the talking to be honest!! He spent about 5 minutes explaining about the job and I made a point of looking him in the eye and nodding and going "yeah" and "okay". Then he asked me the awful "Tell me about yourself?" and just as I was about to answer (without really knowing what I was going to say) he picked up my CV and starting telling me why he had given me an interview (my numerical skills apparently) and he qualities that were needed for the job and how some people find the work pretty tedious (it's a data entry job) and others enjoy the repetitiveness and blah blah blah. So when it came to giving my answer I just sort of repeated what he had said and told him that I was happy doing repetitive work and that I'm the type of person that will just put my head down and get on with it (or something alone those lines). Then he caught me off guard by asking how I found my school (I think he was considering sending his kids there or something) and I gave some awkward non-committal reply :/

I had to do a type test as well; turned out it was the same one that I had been practising on the internet so that was pretty cool :)

I feel like I really messed up the exit though, I don't know what it is but I just seem to get really awkward saying goodbye even if it's been going well until that point. He walked me to the front door and I didn't really say anything apart from "thanks" and "bye". So yeah ... I need to work on that!

Overall though, I'd say it went well. I think I have a relatively good chance of getting it. Fingers crossed :)

Therapy Group # 1

So yesterday was a bit of a weird day. Soon after I woke up I started getting PMT symptoms (apologies if TMI :P ), (stomach ache, horrendous leg cramp, dizziness, light headed, chills, exhaustion, feeling like I was going to faint), all the usual stuff but just a hundred times worse than normal. I felt really sick as well and had to make myself throw up in the end :/ Then I went back to bed clutching a hot water bottle to my stomach and slept the whole afternoon. Luckily I felt better for my first therapy group in the evening...

I got there about 10 minutes early and rang the doorbell and the therapist (let’s call him P) opened the door and I walked in. There was this weird music playing and a couple of people standing around awkwardly in the kitchen area. After a while P ushered us all into the next room, but a few people had still to arrive so we were waiting for them. A few minutes later a girl I know from school (we’ll call her K – she was into the year below me and both our families actually went on a skiing holiday together years ago, our parents are still pretty good friends now) came in and sat down opposite me. I was a little surprised at seeing her there. I don’t quite know how I feel about it to be honest. It’s massively selfish of me to wish that she wasn’t there but I can’t help but wish it. But I do think it’s a bit strange that K’s mum didn’t mention that she was going to be there to mine... I’m sure it’ll all be fine, I was just a little thrown when I saw her there that’s all.

Anyway moving on ... the session itself was not what I expected. For the first hour and a half it was just P talking about how SA works and playing sections of the first tape of the Audio Therapy Series from the Social Anxiety Institute (The course is based on the one that they have over in Arizona). It wasn’t until the last 15 minutes or so that we all introduced ourselves – he gave us a few minutes to write down a quick introduction about ourselves and then we all went in turns at reading it out. I’m not quite sure of his reasoning behind making is wait until the very end to do that, but he is the expert.

So yeah apart from that, not a lot to say about it.

I was meant to be having my interview today but I still feel a bit groggy from yesterday and so because of that, coupled with the fact that I didn’t get the chance to prepare for it as I spent the day retching in toilets and huddled up in bed, I thought it best to ask for it to be rescheduled for Thursday. Which it has. 10am.

25/9/2011

There were 10 people at the support group on Thursday. 10!!!!! Actually there were 11 at one point because someone came in late. So yeah, a bit of a leap from having 3 or 4 people there each week. It was a bit of a shock when I got there to be honest! I was expecting maybe 6 people, 8 at most! Once the initial shock wore off though, it was pretty good. First we had to all go round saying our name and introducing ourselves, and I messed up my introduction a bit :/ I said my name and how many times I’d been coming and then kind of trailed off ... It was OK though, I just laughed it off and said “I don’t know what else to say!”. Anyway then we paired off and told the person next to us about ourselves and our experiences with SA etc. So most of it was just talking to the person next to us which wasn’t too intimidating.

My Sister started uni yesterday – my parents drove her all the way and stayed overnight in a B and B because it’s quite a way away and they didn’t fancy driving there and back in one day. It didn’t hit me that she was actually going until she got in the car and they started to drive off. It’s going to be very lonely now that she’s gone. But I have a feeling she’s going to be popping back pretty often to visit her boyfriend and, by extension, us so I’ll probably be seeing her in a few weeks anyway.

Also I have an interview on Tuesday for a temp data entry job. There’s a typing test involved so if I don’t do well in the speaking part I might be able to make up for it in that. I'm getting to a point where I'm just desperate to earn some money so I'm going to try and focus on that rather than all the things that could go wrong.

Group

I went to the support group for the third time last night. There were supposed to be about 5/6 people turning up to this one so I was super anxious before hand. But in the end only two of us (plus the organiser) turned up so all that fretting was for nothing. I'm still very quiet in them. I speak when spoken to but I'm not really offering anything up of my own accord yet. It doesn't help that we meet in a busy Starbucks with people coming over to the table every ten minutes to clear away mugs/tell us that they're closing soon :/ It's a miracle I even turned up though considering how nervous I was! I think next time I'm going to make a point of getting there early and getting my voice heard straight away to just get it over with.

I thought I was going to have the house to myself today because I thought my parents were going out but it turns out there going out tomorrow instead. A bit annoying as I was considering pushing myself to make a youtube update, but I'm not comfortable doing it with people in the house. Maybe tomorrow ...

Running and Reading

I just got back from a run. I started week 3 of C25K today. I was convinced I wasn’t going to be able to do it as it sounded like a big jump from week 2 but I managed it. One thing I’m realising about running is that it’s as much of a mental workout as a physical one. It’s like Will Smith says; “The key to life is running and reading.” Once you learn to ignore that voice in your head telling you you’re tired and to give up you can do pretty much anything. I’ve even managed to push through the fear of being seen running in public; the last few times I went out I went in the rush hour along main roads jam-packed with traffic (where on earth did that phrase come from I wonder?). I still get nervous but I just concentrate on what I’m doing and so far no-one has pointed and laughed at me or honked their horn at me.

And the other key to life; reading. I’ve been reading a book called “How you can talk to anyone in every situation”. It’s got some pretty useful tips on how to keep conversations going and how to make yourself appear interesting (turns out you just have to ask people loads of questions about themselves). I’m meeting up with some friends (well ... “friends”) from my school days tonight, some of whom I haven’t seen for a couple of years. We were initially going to go out clubbing but now we’re going out to eat instead which is fine by me! So I’ve been taking notes from this book and I’ve written down a few questions to ask people in case my mind goes blank, which it undoubtedly will.

The more I think about it the more I agree with Will on those keys to life. Forget Plato, Aristotle and all that lot; in a thousand years time I bet scholars around the world will be studying the life philosophies of Will Smith.

Job Interview

I had a job interview today.

It did not go well.

It was for a shop assistant position in baby Gap, I just applied on a whim when I was in town last week with my sister and saw that they had a vacancy. I turned up and went over to the girl at the till and said that I had an interview, the girl then asked me my name and surprise surprise, I completely blocked. I was standing there for about a minute trying desperately to get my name out and looking like a complete fool mumbling apologies and trying to explain that I have a stammer. The manager came out after a while and I still couldn't get it out but she sussed out who I was from the fact that I was the last person she was interviewing today. She took me to the office in the back and then proceeded to ask me questions like "Tell me about a time you delivered good customer service." and "When was the last time you resolved a conflict in the workplace?" and other questions like that. I've never had a proper job before so I was at a total loss for what to say half the time, but I managed to mumble answers to most of the questions. I could tell I was making the interviewer nervous with my edginess; she made a few comments about me being nervous, which did not help :s I think I can safely say I did not get the job.

Still I'm not going to let this one bad experience stop me. I'm very proud of myself for even going today and if anything I'll be able to use it as a learning experience.

Right I'm off for a run now - am on week 2 of my C25K now. I'll be running marathons in no time :)

Really Bad Day :(

I cannot bring myself to leave the house today. I feel so disgustingly hideous. I just want to hide away so that no-one can see me.

I didn't make it to the interview :( I woke up on the day feeling sick and more anxious than I've been in months. I had to pretend to be sick. To be honest I don't think there was much chance of me ever going through with it. I've never been to a interview before (apart from when I was applying to uni) and this was like throwing myself in the deep end. Anyway so I've decided I'm not going to apply for graduate level jobs anymore - I'm just going to focus on getting a waitressing job or something and building my confidence. I managed to ring a few restaurants yesterday afternoon to see whether they had any vacancies and a few of them said yes so I was planning on going down town today to hand in CVs. Except that I've literally spent the last two hours frantically searching through my wardrobe trying desperately to find something to wear. Everything I've tried on looks completely hideous. It's all either shrunk in the wash or too baggy or too tight or makes me look like a twelve year old playing dress up.

I'm supposed to be going to the support group today and I really don't feel like going now. Except that I know that it's days like these when it would be most helpful to go. So I'm going to try and force myself.

I'm meeting up with a friend I havn't seen for 2 years tomorrow. She used to be my best friend in Senior School but left for boarding school when we were 14. We were pretty mischievous back then and liked to think of ourselves as the Fred and George Weasley of our school! We used to email each other pretty much every day and she would stay round our house a lot of weekends, and I would go and stay with her family in Devon in the summer but since we've been at uni we've kind of lost contact. I'm worried that we won't have anything to say to each other and we'll have lost that connection that we used to have. And of course I'm worried I won't have anything to wear......

So all in all a pretty rubbish day :(