Recognise your Positive Qualities

One of the things I have been doing recently in a bid to improve my self esteem is to make lists of all my positive qualities and skills.  Sometimes we get so focused on the negative aspects of ourselves (I am lazy or cowardly for instance) that we lose all focus and base our entire self image on those one or two traits.  It is easy to forget that you are more than your social anxiety/depression and that you probably have more going for you that you realise.

It may seem cocky and arrogant at first, but I really encourage anyone having problems with self esteem to make a list of all the positive aspects of yourself that you can think of.  It could be a compliment that someone has given you about your appearance or work, or something that you are good at doing (maybe a sport or playing a musical instrument) or an aspect of your personality that you like (kind, good listener or good sense of humour).  I find it’s best to have a relatively high number to aim for in mind, say 15 or 20, otherwise it’s very easy to give up once you’ve reached a handful.

I have done this exercise many times over the last couple of years and every time I do it gets easier and easier ; it was actually one of the first exercises that we did on my CBT course.  I remember very early on in the group we had to go around in a circle and say one thing each that we had going for ourselves and I was the only person who could not think of a single thing to say!  The first time I attempted to write a list of my qualities it felt like searching for a needle in a haystack.

For each item you add to your list, have a think about it and think about why you have written that thing about yourself; what evidence do you have for it?  Has someone told you that? What have you done that makes you think that about yourself?  For example if one of your qualities is that you are brave your evidence might be that you left home to go to university despite being terrified, or you go to work every day despite getting anxiety beforehand.

The beauty of this exercise is that it doesn’t involve trying to change your thoughts or deluding yourself into thinking you are the most fantastic, beautiful person ever;  rather you are simply drawing your attention to what is already there and present in you but has simple been hidden by a negative self filter.