Update

At uni on Friday I had an "interview" with a member of staff to see how my third year project is going. I had been dreading it for weeks and Friday morning I was in a bit of a state. My boyfriend (we're back together now) stayed over Thursday night so saw how nervous I was in the morning and I think he was surprised at how much of a state I was working myself up into. I was crying at one point and he was really lovely about it and kept saying how he'd help me get over my "shyness" if I wanted him to.

Anyyyyway ... it went fine in the end - as most things always do. The guy was really friendly and pretty easy to talk to. There were a few moments when he asked me a question and I would be silent for a few seconds trying to think of what to say but I managed to say something, even if it wasn't that intelligent or well thought out, just to fill the silence.

I think one of the reasons I was fairly comfortable was because it was just the two of us in a small room and there was no way anybody could overhear what I was saying. People listening in to my conversations is something I really have a problem with. For example I can be walking in the street with a friend or my boyfriend (basically someone I'm totally comfortable with) and if I sense someone walking behind us I panic; my mind goes blank and I keep having to glance behind me to see if they're listening. I guess I'm worried they'll think I'm not very good at making conversation and they'll be judging me on the things I say.

In other news, I registered for a managing depression workshop with the counselling service at uni. It's on Wednesday. I really hope I don't wimp out at the last minute. I don't feel like I've actively been doing anything to overcome my anxiety so this would be the first step for me. I've thought about arranging to see a counsellor one on one, but I don't know how much help it would be. If all goes well on Wednesday though, I might seriously consider it.