Heh, I really should stop making promises I can't keep. It's been a week since I went in for my first shift at the charity shop. I was a mess before I went in. I found the place, walked right past it and went and sat in a nearby field for about 20 minutes to try and calm myself down. Eventually I managed to get myself to go in. I had no idea what to expect, who I was meant to talk to, what I was supposed to say etc. I stood there like an idiot for what felt like hours before I found the courage to say anything. It all went okay in the end though, although I was a lot quieter than I would have liked, and I wasn't too keen on one of the ladies there. I went back in the next day, which went slightly better.

I didn't really do anything last week apart from that. I keep meaning to get in touch with my friend from school who's just got back from a year in Paris, but every time I think about it I convince myself that she doesn't want to hear from me, even though when I've texted her in the past I've always gotten a positive response.

Anyway I had my therapy appointment today. It went okay. Again I was quieter than I would have liked but that's to be expected. And he seems like the type of person I can see myself becoming more comfortable with with time. Today was just intro stuff and talking about my history etc. The group starts at the end of September. I have mixed feelings about it. I got a folder from him with some handouts including references from past participants, which I read through and found pretty motivating. So I'm kind of looking forward to it, but at the same time I'm terrified because I know I'm going to have to do the things that scare the crap out of me. I'm sure it's perfectly normal to feel that way though.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this yet but I'm going on holiday with my family in 10 days - a cruise around the Baltic. It should be good, but there's so much I'm worried about. Cruises are very sociable holidays. We've been on about 5 cruises now, the last one being two years ago exactly. The last one was the best one out of them all simply because me and my sister managed to get friendly with the other young people (of which there aren't many) on board. Now I'm worried that my parents are going to expect the same thing and will be on my case to go and make some friends if I don't. I'm most worried about the food situation though. This will be my first holiday I've been on since going vegetarian/vegan. I'll be okay for breakfast and lunch as there's such a huge amount of food on cruises there's bound to be something, but dinner is going to be a little more awkward. The menu changed every night and there's usually only one veggie option, which 90% of the time won't be vegan. I've looked on the website and they say to let the head waiter know about any dietary requirements and they'll try to accommodate you. I'm bound to draw attention to myself so I'm not looking forward to that. Also on these things you can choose to sit at a table with other people, which we always do as my parents are sociable like that. Usually it's just harmless middle-aged couples but it still adds extra anxiety. And to top it all off I can't fit into half of my summer clothes, so I'm crash dieting at the moment.

Okay I think that's enough for today! Who knows when I'll be posting next ...