Update

So I finally have a job. I found out a few days ago. Although it’s only a Christmas temp one and doesn’t even start for another 3 or 4 weeks. It’s based at one of the Royal Palaces (I know ... cool eh?) and it’s a customer facing job, but the work should be pretty simple and the pay is good. So all in all I’m happy about that. I had the interview for it last Friday and I thought it went OK; I wasn’t asked any challenging questions and it felt more like a conversation than the others.

And in the meantime I’m going to be doing a short bookkeeping course. My dad runs a small business from home and has been wanting to find someone to do his books for him so, seeing as I havn’t found anything else, I might as well. Actually he first suggested it a few months ago but I’ve been resisting because I thought it would be a cop out. But it’s good experience I suppose. And gives me something to do.

I had spoken to the woman from the training centre on the phone the other day (super anxiety producing) and had arranged to come in this morning to sign up for the course. It’s self taught but you have to go in to the centre and they have these audio lessons that you listen to while working your way through this workbook.

The only negative about this course – you have to ring up in advance to book in your session. When the course advisor told me that my heart literally sunk. I have to ring up in the next few days as well to book a short induction session. I’m already dreading it ... I starting dreading it as soon as I was told I had to do it. *sigh* I think I’m going to have to practice making some easy phone calls tomorrow (ringing up stores/restaurants etc. asking about opening hours). I’ve done that before and it’s been quite helpful.

The CBT isn’t going as well as I had hoped just yet. I’m not very consistent with the homework, even though I have unlimited time to do it in. I’m meant to be reading handouts to myself out loud each day and some days I’m just so paranoid that my family can hear me I don’t bother with it. It doesn’t help that every time I close my bedroom door for a bit of privacy my mother comes and opens it telling me not to lock myself away from the world all the time :/ I’ve started making checklists in the last few days which is helping to get me a bit more motivated.

I’m also still not talking much in the groups. I mean I speak when we do exercises and things (introducing ourselves, reading aloud from books) but I never volunteer anything about how my weeks gone or anything that’s on my mind. The other people in the group just seem to be able to do it so easily and are able to express themselves so coherently. Even though I know they’re probably just as anxious as me about talking. I just know I’d mess it up and muddle my words and look like a total fool. Mind you, you never know until you try. I’m going to prepare something to say for Monday’s session and get in there and just say it. Got to get my money’s worth after all!