Yes that's right - 12. Out of 15. It's gone so fast - too fast for my liking. Only 4 of us showed up tonight, everyone else was either on holiday or ill. It was actually quite nice to be able to talk more and in more depth. We talked about things coming up for us in the next few weeks (for me it's a yearly xmas dinner with neighbours and then our xmas eve drinks party at our house that we host every year) and how to deal with them and as a result I'm feeling a bit better about how I'm going to cope with them.
Now for the work update. I got my first paycheck yesterday :) Though I opened it up at home and realised I had been paid the under 21 rate (more than a pound less per hour than for over 21s) when I should have been paid the over 21 rate. So I ended up with more than £100 less than I should have gotten. I was dreading having to say something to the manager about it because I was worried I was going to be an inconvenience or something. I was getting very depressed and anxious about the whole thing, having thoughts like "Why is it always me?" and "Nothing ever goes smoothly for me." But I managed to find the manager alone this morning and let her know, and she was very apologetic and told me that they'd roll the money over to my next paycheck. As soon as I had gotten that out of the way I felt so much better; like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Other than the wage problems work has been going okay. It's been getting more challenging recently because all the schools have broken up and so it's very busy now. And also all the uni people have broken up so there's a whole new bunch of staff who I'm having to get to know. I haven't really spoken to anyone new yet. Not properly anyway, I'm just sticking to talking to the few people I've gotten to know. Today was quite overwhelming to be honest; there were approx. 20 staff in and half of them I had never met before. I spoke about that in group therapy today and I'm feeling better about it now. I'm not going to put pressure on myself to make friends with everyone there, after all I'm not getting paid to make friends, I'm getting paid to serve customers! The fact that I'm even working is progress.
I still have that underlying feeling of depression. I don't think that's going to go away until I figure out what I'm going to do with myself next year. I'm sure I'll figure something out eventually.
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