Longer Work Update

Last night as I was leaving work I passed the security guard on the way out. Normally I would just put my head down and walk past quickly, but something came over me yesterday and I just felt like being friendly – I said goodnight in quite a chirpy voice, then he looked up and smiled and said goodnight back. I felt like skipping all the way to the station after that J That’s how I want to be; just being friendly and talking to people without constantly building it up in my head and analysing afterwards whether I said the right thing.

I may as well update you all as to how my work is going, seeing as it's my first day off for 5 days and I've nothing else to do. I pretty much worked constantly from last Friday the 2nd until last night. I had a 13 hour shift on Sunday which was SO tiring but I got through it and it turned out not to be as bad as I thought it would be. When I first saw the rota and saw I was working 5 days in a row I literally had no idea how I was going to get through it, but I managed as I always do. I'm very glad to have a day off today though.

The work itself is pretty easy. I'm mainly in the cafe, serving hot chocolates, mulled wine and mince pies etc. but when more people are needed we head over to the skates area and It can get really busy (and I mean really busy) over the weekends and during the evenings. At it's busiest, there can be 200+ people all turning up for a session at a time. Then when the session is over they all want hot drinks so it gets seriously manic in the cafe. I'm really having to learn to project my voice and beckon people over to the tills. But it's not so bad. In a way I almost prefer it when it's busy as it makes the time go quicker. I was in during the day earlier this week and there was a lot of standing around doing nothing. But that actually turned out to be quite a good day as I got to chat to a couple of other people working there.

The people are generally really nice. I'm finding it easier to talk to some of them than others though. I go all quiet and shy around the managers, even though some of them are the same age as me and I know I'm probably more intelligent/interesting than they are. It's just an authority thing I guess. Also I find it really hard talking to the loud, confident, "cool" ones. I'm getting better though and it is still early days.

I do still get anxious before I go in every day, though it has been reducing day by day. It tends to be worse if I'm working the evening shift as I've had the whole day to think about it and worry myself. If that does happen I'll just get out my therapy sheets, write down all my negative thoughts and analyse then in a rational way and I always end up feeling better.

The fact that I'm working has given me a big boost to my self esteem. I don't feel so useless and a waste of space anymore now that I'm actually doing something. I know it's still a month away but I'm not looking forward to having to return to the job hunt after this one is over. I've really got to start thinking about what I'm going to do. I'll have earned a bit of money by then at least so I'll have a few more options than before.